Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I’ve been as good as can be expected. I’ve kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself with the exception of what I’ve written and what I intend to write within the confines of this little blog. I’ve broken no laws, stolen no parking spaces, returned incorrect change, held the doors open for people, helped a few elderly people load up their groceries, used good manners.  I understand that whether I’m naughty or nice depends solely on your judgment. I know that you cannot possibly give everyone everything that appears on their lists. So I will give you a list of the things that my heart desires.

  1. A new puppy. I like:
    1. Bullmastiff
    2. Rhodesian Ridgeback
    3. Canaan Dog
  2. $1 million dollars in cash, no need to involve that pesky government.
  3. A new car. I like:
    1. 2017 Chevy Impala (I’ll send you the link to exactly the package I’ve chosen upon request)
    2. 2017 Chevy Equinox (Again, I’ll send you the link. This one is 5 grand cheaper!)
    3. A 2016 of either of the above would suffice.
  4. Make Netflix release the next season of Jessica Jones.
  5. Send Krampus to kill the Kardashian/Jenner clan so they don’t invade my news feeds anymore. Please include all known associates.
  6. Remove the calories from all of my favorite foods.
  7. Make smoking healthy, allow it in bars again, and make others STFU about it. I’ve got no problem not smoking around them but I’m NOT going to put my cigarette out when they approach me and I’m in a designated area.
  8. The souls of all who’ve displeased me. (One day you’ll say yes)

For you, I will leave the following usual sacrificial edibles:

  1. Beer
  2. Pizza
  3. Milk
  4. Cookies (Oreos and Chocolate Chip)

Love,

Nefarious Sweetheart

 

 

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